i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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