I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Say something about gay babies.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize