Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
