Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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