the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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