"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
