Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
