I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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