You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
