I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
