I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Randomize
