the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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