i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
