Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
