can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
