Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
