Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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