Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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