If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
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You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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