he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
