Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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