I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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