i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
