ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
