My first STD was from a foam party
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My ass is underappreciated
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
