I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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