it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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