end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
