I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
