i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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