it was like his penis was on wheels.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
