Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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