I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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