Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
