She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
