I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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