she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
