Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
