Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
