I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
