look no pants
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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