How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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