"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
