Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
