just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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