Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
