she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
