She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
