Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
