I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
