There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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