some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
