drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
