So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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