goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
