I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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