So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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