She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
