So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
