I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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