It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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